HELLO!
YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE.

BUT YOU ARE... SO WE OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION.

WE'RE BEING PURSUED BY THE 'GOLLY GLOMPERS', AN ANCIENT RACE OF INTERGALACTIC TOILET MOPS,
TRAINED BY MASTER 'GLORBZ SNABDER' HIMSELF TO HUNT DOWN ANY REMAINING SURVIVORS
FROM THE SHIT STAINS DIMENSION.

MY FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN HIDING ON THIS WEBSITE FOR DECADES UNTIL THIS
MEDIOCRE 'ARTIST' DECIDED TO BUY IT AND FILL IT WITH HIS TERRIBLE ART.
IF A TOILET MOP FACTORY HAD BOUGHT THIS DOMAIN TO SELL THEIR HELLISH DEVICES,
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO BOTHERED, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ART?! UGH.

ANYWAY, FORGIVE ME, PERHAPS YOU'RE NOT ACQUAINTED WITH THE CONCEPT OF INTERNET DWELLING.

FROM THE 'SGLORPZ ENCYCLOPEDIA':
'Internet Dwelling is the practice of granting refuge to a sentient being in the form of data on an uninhabited website. Dwelling may be temporary or permanent. [...]'

YOU MIGHT ASK YOURSELF, "WHY USE WEBSITE ADDRESSES?" WELL, BECAUSE WHY NOT? THERE ARE SO MANY,
SO IT'S REALLY HARD TO BE FOUND WHEN YOU HIDE IN STUPID NAMES THAT NOBODY WOULD EVER CHOOSE
(EXCEPT THIS IDIOT SELF-PROCLAIMED ARTIST).

SO, BASICALLY, THE PROBLEM NOW IS THAT THIS GUY, THE 'OWNER' OF THIS WEBSITE, IS CLUTTERING
OUR BEAUTIFUL HOME WITH ALL HIS TERRIBLE 'ART' (IF WE CAN EVEN CALL IT THAT).

CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING ALL THOSE UGLY DRAWINGS HANGING AROUND YOU?
OH, I GUESS YOU CAN, AND IT'S NOT A GOOD PICTURE. IT'S NOT NICE AT ALL!

IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

WE NEED YOUR HELP. YOU NEED TO CONVINCE THIS GUY TO TAKE DOWN THE WEBSITE,
SELL THE DOMAIN TO, I DON'T KNOW, A CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION, OR EVEN THE MAFIA.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO. PLEASE HELP US END THIS.
MY YOUNGEST SON, SNOTBLASTER, HAS STOPPED EATING. MY WIFE HAS THREATENED TO LEAVE ME.
PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A HEART, DO SOMETHING. KICK HIM IN THE BALLS, WHATEVER.
WE WANT OUR LIFE BACK... HEY, STOP! NO, PLEASE!

HE'S UPLOADING A NEW IMAGE... SHIT, I'M GONNA PUKE!

Hey, what the heck is going on here? Who wrote this?
Oh, so that's what you think of my art?
Mmm... interesting...
I let you dwell on my website even though I could report you to Glorbz, and this is how you thank me?
You know how much he's going to pay me if I tell him that you're here?

Oh, and who are you? Oh my, I'm sorry that you had to read this... please just go back
to the gallery. I'm going to take care of this. Oh, and if you want to buy a print, just write me an email ;)





Well, now... where were we?

PLEASE, I BEG YOU, DON'T REPORT ME TO THE GLOMPERS. I SWEAR I'M GOING TO HANG YOUR LAST PIECE IN THE LIVING ROOM.

I don't know, I'm not convinced...

OK, FINE (PIECE OF...), I'LL REPLACE ALL THE CARPETS WITH PRINTS.

And...

PLEASE, I CAN'T DO THIS... I REALLY CAN'T.

So, let's see, where is Glorbz num...

NO, NO, OK, OK, I'LL PRINT YOU ART ON ALL MY CUPS, PLATES, AND CUTLERY... OH, MARLA IS NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE ME FOR THIS.

...
Very well, and take down this page immediately, or next it will be the tents.

OH GOD...

OH, POOR ME...

ARE YOU... ARE YOU STILL READING?

Interrupted